I pulled the Jury Duty card this morning and at one point wasn’t sure if I was in the middle of jury selection or an SNL skit.
Defense Lawyer: “Has anybody had what they might consider a negative experience with law enforcement?”
Juror 6: <snickers, waves a hand in the air, and looks over at the rest of us> “Oh, honey!”
Now, most of the questions and answers to this point were extremely mundane. Lots of “where do you work?” and “how many kids do you have?”
But this? I was officially sitting up straight and leaning forward.
Defense Lawyer: “Juror 6? You indicate you might have had a negative experience with law enforcement?”
Juror 6: “Mmmmm-hmmm.”
Defense Lawyer: “Um, Juror 6, can you elaborate for the court?”
Juror 6: “Broke my door down. That count?!”
Defense Lawyer: “Juror 6, um …” (Dude is clearly flummoxed)
Juror 6: “I mean, I don’t do that no more! Nooo ohhhh! I tried tellin them that, but they busted on in anyway!”
Defense Lawyer: “Um, so, you indicate you might have a criminal record. Without elaborating — I don’t want to embarrass anybody here today — um …”
Juror 6: “Oh, honey! You can’t embarrass me. It was drugs. I USED to sell ’em. I don’t any more.”
Defense Lawyer: “Oh, okay, thank you Juror 6. Would you say these were, um, misdemeanors? Or felonies? Uh …”
Juror 6: “Both! But Jesus set me straight, ummmm-hmmmm.”
Defense Lawyer: (Standing to address the bench) “Your Honor, I’d like to move to dismiss Juror 6” and the gavel raps before he even says “juror 6” and the judge says “Dis-MISSED!”
But the great part is that then Juror 6 stood up with a big grin, chuckling to herself, saying something under her breath.
I resisted a profound urge to clap. And to buy her a cup of coffee.
She was awesome.